Digestive Pyrotechnics
Today I went to O'Charley's with friends and for some reason I tasted bile and I knew then and there that I was going to throw up.
I asked where the bathroom was and God bless who ever designed the rat maze that the men's room was hidden behind in that restaurant because it took me forever to find it and get there. I had injured my leg a couple weeks ago so I don�t move too quickly so in addition to the bathroom being hidden I couldn�t have gotten to it fast enough if it were completely mobile.
Once I got there it was too late...it had started. I decided to close my mouth and keep it in and that didn�t work. First, my body decided to take a detour � being my nostrils � to get dinner out of my body. Second, I had my hand over my mouth just in case I couldn�t keep my mouth shut (imagine that) and I couldn�t and it went down the sleeve of my sweater. I'm sure you can appreciate just how irritated that made me. Fine Italian Merino Wool and O�Charley�s Loaded Potato Soup, a fine time indeed.
I continued to throw up all over the floor, the toilet, and stall, everywhere. I didn't eat all damn day and there I am throwing up gallons of stuff and it wasn't coming out of mouth fast enough, on no. It would have started out of my ears if there were a direct route from here to there. A chunk of potato got stuck in my nose stopping that exit.
I didn�t find out about that for quite a while. I was at the bowling alley and felt something in my nose and decided to blow it. I don�t know what possessed me to look at the tissue to see what was in it but I�m sure it was the huge labor it took to get it out of there.
Back to the story, I don't know where all the vomit came from. I had a truffle at my one job and some chips at the other one. I didn�t eat a lot at the restaurant either; I did drink a lot of iced tea.
In the midst of my digestive pyrotechnics a man came into the bathroom and decided to talk to me. He must have been a dentist. You know they only talk to you when they have both of their hands and one of their feet in your mouth. Some people have questioned why he was in the stall with me. He wasn�t and neither was I. I was in the middle of the room � I had barfed out the stall and couldn�t have gotten into the stall without wading into the Sea of Heave. Why would you ask someone if they were okay if they were throwing up? Obviously, if your body is violently expelling the contents of your stomach and intestines something is wrong. It�s not natural for your body to do that and there it went.
I hadn�t retched like that in years but strangely before and after I did it I felt fine. I was embarrassed but I didn�t feel ill.
